Pappa wants mamma naked
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
