oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize