i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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