5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
