sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
