I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
