I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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