im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
