Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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