She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
