I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
