I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
