its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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