Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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