you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
