I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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