I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize