So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
