im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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