There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
