You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
