saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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