are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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