My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
