dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
