i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
