I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just puked most of my soul out..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
