why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
