youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
