Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize