i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
