Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
