how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
