let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
