i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
vagina is talking i cant
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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