I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
