Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
