if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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