Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize