My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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