i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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