We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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