that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
