i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize