On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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