I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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