I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize