you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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