Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
