Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize