i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
