Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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