I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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