How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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