What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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