oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
