Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
