Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
