one two three fourrrrnication!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
