Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
