just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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