Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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