Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
