Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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