Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
