Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
