My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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