Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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