you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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