I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So vagazzling was a success
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
